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watched my best friend drive away from me this morning.

i don’t think i could give a fuck about much else right now.

So I cheated and read your card as soon as you left. I don’t know what it was about today…it’s like, my mind wasn’t the only part that knew you were leaving. As soon as I saw you, I just wanted to cry. There’s so many things I could write about, and so many memories to look back upon. I can’t believe that in a few hours, your apartment will be empty, and I won’t be able to open my front door to see you standing behind it. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself honestly. I try to take my mind off of it for a few minutes, and then I’m back to tears. Nothing will be the same without you. Even though I have to let go, I’m sure as hell not ready to. For so many years, I felt this void in my life. Something that reminded me that I wasn’t happy, and that something was always missing. It didn’t matter if I was here in Chicago, or back in Fairborn. Whether I was with my family or not. I forgot about that void until today, when I realized that you were the first and only to fill it. The worst part was realizing it when I watched you walk away from my house for the last time. I’ve been through so much in my life, and lost so many people. But I can’t even describe what it feels like to lose you. I know that there’s a reason for everything. There’s a reason why God sent you here to be with me, and there’s a reason that He’s taking you away. For the past nine months, we grew even closer, just when I had thought it wasn’t possible. I watched you become a part of my family, and make your way into my little cousins’ hearts. I watched Zayed turn you from an acquaintance into one of his best friends. And lastly, I watched my mother embrace you as her son. I grew a lot, and had some of the best experiences of my life while you were here. It took for me to watch you leave, to realize you were my favorite part of every day. I don’t have many friends.. I never have. But honestly, you’re all I really ever needed. I want to be able to write down that I’m happy to see you go back to your family and old life, but I can’t. I wish I could go back to day one, and just live through it all over again. I know you’re only a phone call away, but it’s just not the same. I never realized how much I needed you just to get by. And in you going, I can feel a part of myself dying inside. My mind keeps thinking back to just the other night, when we were driving through the city with Zayed. I don’t know what it is about that moment, but I’d do anything to have it back. I just want you to know that you will be missed so much by all of us. You should not be thankful to us, we should be thankful to you. Because you’ve touched all of us, and made our lives that much better. I love you so much, and I will never forget all the memories we’ve shared. You are my best friend. You are the better part of who I am, and who I hope to become.

Love Always.

So much has happened, but for once, I don’t want to write about it. I think I’ll keep it to myself this time.

-Ladies LOVE Cool J.

seriously, lmao. It’s such a nice night out… I love the rain. If I didn’t have a damn hole in my screen then I’d sleep with my windows open tonight. That’s what you get for being trifling, and making a hole in your screen for you to smoke out of. No one’s perfect, lol.

I CAN NOT wait until it’s tulip season. There’s nothing better than Tulips, kisses on the forehead, the smell of rain, and chocolate milk. Hallelujah Hollaback.